I Like The Way You Move

As a fashion icon I get flown almost everywhere. One thing I love is when national sports figures want to meet me because they want to learn how they too can dress fashionably. I often go to a lot of fashion shows around the world. This past month I have been to Bodybuilding Fitness NPC Fashion Week (BFNPCFW), National Hunting Fashion Week (NHFW), and then I went to the gym. So I got invited to Equinox gym because this trainer was so sucky at being a trainer that they called me in. I often get called into gyms to whip clients into even better shape. I do this by standing in front of them. All they have to do is look at me and look at my clothes and know that they will look as good if they burn off all their fat and replace that fat with clothes. Oh and then I went to a water park where I accidentally dropped my ring under a miniature Jeep and a strongman lifted it up for me. I was shocked and so achingly amazed. How amazing. 


FYI I went turkey and pheasant hunting and with the birds I killed, Karl Lagerfeld and John Galliano are collaborating on an entire fashion collection for me called Bird Couture and it's going to be entirely edible. 

\

Samantha V. ♥✌♡✌♥

Anyone Else Feel Like Farting in Pilates?

I look forward to going to the gym just as much as I look forward to eating cauliflower and I actually LOVE cauliflower, so I LOVE going to the gym. Pilates is meant to be relaxing except I can't relax. Well I can somewhat, but more so the thing I find I can't relax the most is my rectum. I squeeze my butt cheeks together and everytime the feeling of needing to fart passes my face turns red.

All I know is silent farts are deadly and the noisier ones tend to not make much of a statement. So I have recently discovered a new technique if holding in a fart doesn't work while in a public place. Release slowly, it's like putting a pillow on your tush, it softens the blow (literally).

I hate Pilates only for this reason. I much prefer to fart while walking quickly on the street because then no one will know who did and remember whomever smelt it dealt it. I will say that if I let one rip in Pilates class, the strength of that sucker would vaporize all of the people in the class worse than an atomic bomb.

Samantha V.♥✌♡✌♥