The People at In Touch Weekly Are Fecking Losers

I was at the gym this morning on the Stairmaster Stepmill and nothing could kill someone's motivation more than watching 16 and Pregnant on MTV. The show is dreck, but at the same time it looks miserable and depressing. All of these girls are white trash that hook up with losers all because of "the moment." They must all be Republicans, seriously. It made me want to crawl into my own skin....gross. Then last week I was at the Jewel purchasing some bananas and I see an issue of In Touch Weekly that reads, "Teen Moms In Crisis." Who the fuck gives a shit? The magazine is so desperate for news that they feature some MTV teen mom bitches on their rags. I would rather see a feature on Martha Stewart going to the gynecologist or Justin Bieber naked. Believe you me Justin Bieber naked is pretty much like a Ken doll, a bump, maybe a lump, but no joystick. Speaking of which if we knew that Martha Stewart's secretions were actually made of whipped cream dudes everywhere would be approaching her with strawberries.


All I'm saying is society needs to wake up and actually invest their time in things that are good.

Samantha V. ♥✌♡✌♥

Anyone Else Feel Like Farting in Pilates?

I look forward to going to the gym just as much as I look forward to eating cauliflower and I actually LOVE cauliflower, so I LOVE going to the gym. Pilates is meant to be relaxing except I can't relax. Well I can somewhat, but more so the thing I find I can't relax the most is my rectum. I squeeze my butt cheeks together and everytime the feeling of needing to fart passes my face turns red.

All I know is silent farts are deadly and the noisier ones tend to not make much of a statement. So I have recently discovered a new technique if holding in a fart doesn't work while in a public place. Release slowly, it's like putting a pillow on your tush, it softens the blow (literally).

I hate Pilates only for this reason. I much prefer to fart while walking quickly on the street because then no one will know who did and remember whomever smelt it dealt it. I will say that if I let one rip in Pilates class, the strength of that sucker would vaporize all of the people in the class worse than an atomic bomb.

Samantha V.♥✌♡✌♥